"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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