He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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