i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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