You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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