Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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