He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
i need to put some appletini on your dick
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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