I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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