Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
