I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
