I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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