I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
