Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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