i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
