Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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