Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
