I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
