we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
