he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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