I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
