I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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