Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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