walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
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He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
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Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I party with great urgency now.
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