He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
