How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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