Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Randomize
