Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
