he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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