I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
