you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
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I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
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The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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