I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
