Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
