If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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