At least make sure they are 18
Why
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
