I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Randomize
