were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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