I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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