I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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