I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
