Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
