I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
