TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
