You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
