"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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