I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
