I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
