He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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