U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
