I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
