Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
