i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
