I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
