Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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