Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
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