dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
