Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
