If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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