mondays should just be called national damage control day
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
