NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
