why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
