what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
