It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
