I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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