come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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