I can tuck mytits in my pants
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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