It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
