I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
They have beer where we have blood.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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