please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
