I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
