I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
