i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize