She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
