There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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