i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
