Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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