I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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