Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize