He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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