And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
